Staying in The Moment

In just a few short days it will be September and as hard as that is to believe I know that September marks the first six month of my son's life. It has truly flown by.

To say that the last six months of life have been anything but a whirlwind would be an understatement. Ever since the birth of my son I've been trying --- to catch up---- to break even---- to not get left behind.

Whatever it is, the demands of modern life do not harmonize well with the constant demands of an infant. I find myself trying to hold on to some semblance of myself ----while still trying to navigate modern life -----while wondering if it even matters to hang onto any aspects of modern living. It can be an exhausting existence.

I have been finding myself swaying between these worlds; trying to manage both of them while feeling like I failing at all of it. I know deep down that I am not failing. I am doing much better than failing.

But perhaps one of the most difficult tasks of this new found existence is staying in the moment. Caring for an infant keeps you constantly on your toes, determining the next need of your child. The need is often and never ending. Sometimes I determine the wrong need, but I at least know better than to be upset or guilty about it. Because we must move on to the next thing ----- the next bottle----the next diaper change---the next nap. And when it is all said and done it is already the next day.

And perhaps that is the part that already makes me the most sad. I realize that the moments are fleeting. They are changing. They are never going to be the same. They will not wait for me to catch up. I just want to stop and soak it all up while I can.